You have got to be kidding me.

Have you ever been so angry about something that you just want to quit? That's how I feel about my degree right now. I'm in a class I'm beginning to hate, being prostelitized to every class about how wonderful digital history is and how it's not just a web site, but rather a way of looking at history. I get it.

Now, how about some fucking standards?

How about you focus on the point of the class, which as I understood it, was to learn how to write a proposal for a digital history project? How about you actually take the fucking time to explain why I "will NOT be releasing compiled binaries"? Or, maybe you could, I don't know, actually READ the words I write. Seriously, when I say concepts from data warehousing, that means the concepts, not the practice and actuality. Shocking, I know.

Hey while we are at it, what are your fucking credentials? How many fucking digital histories projects have you written successful grant proposals for? How about you show us the fucking money on why you are correct, and we are wrong? Oh wait, that's not going to happen. That's not the point of this class.

You know what, fuck this.

I'll write a new proposal on something inane that is just implementing a plugin for a system that is fucking broken. Awesome. Maybe then I can get out of this fucking class with a decent grade.

The thing that is completely fucked is that part of me just wants to quit doing something I love because I've got a teacher that dosent seem to be helping me learn what I need to learn. I feel like the class has been an abject failure (and , by extension) that I am a Failure.

How fucking pathetic is that? I'm a professional student and I can't seem to figure out want this dude wants. I can't seem to write a focused enough proposal and I'm out of time.

Fuck this.

I made the decision a week ago that I wasn't taking the winter off from exercise this year. (yes I'm one of those slack bastards) I looked into health club options and after realizing that I don't want to spend a small fortune in fees, I joined the one here at work. Mostly it's a broom closet with a bunch of machines, but they have treadmills for me to run on, and really, isn't that the point?

So after feeling like I was going to die when I ran on Tuesday, I knocked out 5K today for lunch.

It was quiet enough that I had the changing room to myself on the way out. This is pleasing to me. So i'll set the 10k training program in motion and see if while I'm doing that I can lower my time on the 5K.

Gotta have goals yo.

In other news, I was reading Wheaton's blog today and he referenced a post by Ariana Osbourn titled "POD: let's back up a second here" the jist of it is, decide what you want to do and do it. Set a fucking goal and follow through.

Simple and as complex as that. Set a goal. Don't put it off because that is the same as not doing it.

I'll get right on that.

(see http://messengerdesigns.etsy.com)

I hope this finds you well and at peace. More soon.

Anyone else like weird Sci-Fi? This Sunday on AMC they are showing their remake of The Prisoner. Way to go AMC for not advertising this. Turns out the remake stars the dude that played Jesus (Jim Cavesil) and Sir Ian Mcclellan.

So I know what I'm recording Sunday night.

I voted

So it's not news that I'm in grad school fir history. The class I'm in this semester is ... Somewhat different that I was led to believe than it would be. So far it seems to be a "what is digital history and why is it important?" class as opposed to the "here is how to write a fucking grant" class. Don't get me wrong it's interesting and all that but ultimately not what I undertook the class expecting to talk about.

A lot of the arguments seem semantic to me, as digital history isn't really defined (it's kind of like obcenity, I know it when I see it) and the field is a lot like the (mythical) wild west. I'm not bored but I don't know that I'm really engaged with it either. I'm tired of post modernism and the academics that insist that the field will remain text based "because that's how it has been for over 100 years". It's bullshit and it's pointless. (Quite obviously I have a position on it.)

( I'm also tired of feeling like I missed a memo about "here are the common philosphers and theoriticians in your field. Make sure you are familiar with them." although part of that could be that I'm not a western historian (or europeanist) so the list may change in that respect. Sucks to be a non-European historian in a school full of them)

Computers and new media will help reshape history, but they are tools and like any tool they need to be used well to do a good job. Yes computers will allow me to look for trends in ways that most historians haven't thought of yet. Of course, if you talk to the marketing folks, looking for trends in large data sets is old hat.

It's not like the need for good scholarship has gone away. Christ, it's not even like the damn field is half standardized. It kills me that you have a bunch of history geeks talking about computers and programming without understanding the last fucking thing about development and design. It feels like the 1990s with the "I can do it all" mentality about the web, when hey guess what? You can't. For the most part historians are shitty programmers and designers. (and yes I'm talking about me there)

I admit that I'm a bit bent out of shape for being told I'm not looking far enough forward when, quite frankly, the present dosent have the tools to do the things I want to do. So when i focus on the here and now with an eye toward future expandability, that's how I'm thinking about adding to the larger discourse: by creating tools and standards that can be improved upon by borrowing standard process improvement techniques. Shocking, I know.

With regard to the class, it's interesting and I'm enjoying it for what it is, and trying to figure out how to get what I thought it was.

Have any of you run the 5k course around Hains point in DC?

I mean, it's a 5k so we are not talking anything stressful. I'm just curious about the course.

Apparently, we will be welcoming Audrey Grace Messenger to the world somewhere around 2/16/2010.

That little blue thing is made of titanium.

So you guys know I'm a cub scout leader right? Or you might know that I sort of dislike sunlight? You might know that i am forever yelling about sun screen and how important it is . So yeah... Today I went and was building something cool out at camp snyder ( the local cub scout camp) and burned the living snot out of my arms face and neck. You know, it was a beautiful day, I was building something and totally blanked on the fact that I might get burnt.

I was wearing gloves and a short sleeve work shirt so it looks really "cool".

Apparently, I'm an idiot.

Also, Ow.

And I'd like to deliver a great big FUCK YOU to Seagate. Way to go marketing a drive that is OS specific. Awesome that you want to charge more for the mac version of your 1.5 TB drive.

Thanks to the good people at prosoft engineering I deleted your crappy partition manager and reformatted the drive. Shocking.

What really burns me over this is that it's just stupid. Any geek can get around it in a matter of minutes but Joe blow is gonna think that they need to spend the extra money for the "mac version" when the damn hardware is the same.

In short: big up to Prosoft Engineering and their products.
Fuck you to Seagate.

And I can see those fighter planes...

In retrospect, watching Buffy, it occurs to me that Giles would be fired, branded as a pedophile, and otherwise labeled a "bad man".


Maybe I should be watching Veronica Mars instead.

When I was young, I hated sports. I hated g class. I hated the people in it. I hated that it was all a big popularity contest and I hated being made to run laps.

And now? I want to be an athlete. I want to run. I'm not always good about getting out and doing it, but I want to. It takes what, 30 days to make a habit, and like 5 to break it? I'm really good at breaking habits and sometime good about making them. Mostly, I want to be lazy and watch movies or make something (music, chainmaille, something). Like anyone else, I have to force my lazy ass out of bed I'm the morning to go stretch and go running. I know that at some point it stops being a "force myself out of bed" and becomes a "feels wrong if I don't go do it".

I'll get through this. I usually do. But I am going to have to find a way to not stop for the winter. For the last 2(?) years I've ended up stopping for the winter and having to do it all over again. It's a waste of time effort and energy. (Dosen't stop me from doing it though.)

I've got some short term goals, but I think the way to succeed at this is to plan long term, set a plan, and do it. Who knew that running is like a business? Goals and strategic planning.

Also, still irked with my Nike+ thing. It's still under by 20%. I guess I could replace the sensor and see if that fixes it.

1: my Nike+ sensor is under reporting distances (2 miles as 1.6)

2: this has been an ongoing problem

3: I'm not I'm a shape I'd like to be in. (I'm not out of shape. I'm just pear shaped. It's still a shape, just not the right one)

4: my endurance sucks. I know I can do better. I have done better. I just can't right now.

I probably shoudn't complain. It's been a month since I last ran anything, but I think it's time to get more serious.

It would be the night that the e-vet is slammed that I need to go to them.

That being said, if you have to go to an e-vet, Prince William Emergency Veterinary clinic is pretty damn good.

Yes, she's fine. Back to her lovable, crazy self.

One of a row of Ferrari's at the museum today. I was amused by the tag on the cover.

So, following yesterday's sonogram appointment, I suppose it is safe to say that by the end of Febuary I can expect to welcome another Messenger to the world.

This should be interesting.

It dosen't feel like it. It seems like last week, or maybe last month. Of course, it can't be, if nothing else, the kids are 4 and 7.

Each day is more interesting than the last, and every day is an adventure.

this is freaking cool.

So last night I tried another new marshmallow recipie. I used the one found in the book Homemade Gourmet Marshmallows by Eileen Talanian. I should talk about the book later.

As for the marshmallows, boy, did I screw them up.

I followed the instructions and ended up with marshmallows that are more like taffy than marshmallows. Not that it's really a bad thing, just not what I was aiming for.

I think I lnow what I screwed up, and it's kind of basic. In the beginning, the author has you make a something she calls "marshmallow syrup" (better than light corn syrup, because you know, no corn). You are supposed to cook it to 240 degrees. My guess is that I over cooked it. I base this idea on Alton Brown's show on candy making. If you over cook the sugar syrup, it becomes crystallized. As the "syrup" I made continued to cool, it became more and more like rock candy. Again, not a bad thing, just not what I was going for.

The mashmallows made from the "syrup" taste good, but they are not marshmallows per se.

So I'll try again. I'll cook the syrup to a lower temp (the recommended fix for this sort of issue) and try again.